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| Hand-painted jewelry by Tanya Torres (2016) |
The year began with a warning: Stop!
I had not been sick in ages. Except for a day of allergy once in a while when I am very tired or stressed. But as the New Year approached, I felt an inner compulsion to plan, to get on top of things and to get ready. And then I got so sick I've been in bed for a couple of days and I lost my voice almost completely.
With my intellectual mind, I know it is a virus I caught at one of the many events and parties I reluctantly went to at the end of 2016. With my magical mind I feel that I am saying something to myself.
The past year was good, at least if I look at it in terms of checkmarks.
I did all the usual events.
I created a great event, the Mary Magdalene Celebration.
I created a fashion line.
I published a book.
I participated in several exhibitions.
I opened a store, a real life store!
I helped create a Saturday program at the Puerto Rican Cultural Heritage House.
I helped my friend create websites and exhibitions and realize dreams.
I'm sure there's more. But even though I feel these have been great accomplishments and I have enjoyed them, I need to stop the frenzy. Because that is how that voice inside my head sounds, as if I am running out of time. There's always this fear that if I don't do enough and I don't use my time wisely then when I die I won't have finished my mission. It's irrational, but always there. And it needs to stop, because missions are not accomplished with busywork but with great work, and great work requires uninterrupted thought and concentration. And because I waste a lot of time not having a clear head!
In order to get my mind working within that wavelength...
I have been planning a long trip, a time free of the commitments of the world I live in right now.
A long trip. A trip to think, forget, and to remember, to reconstruct.
So that's what I am doing this year, even if it will not be as long as I wanted it to be, or the exact trip I wanted.
The trip I wanted sounds really boring to most people. I wanted to rent a house in Albuquerque, and set up a studio in a room of the house, and just work, go for walks with Raquel, go to Sunday dinner at Linda's house, and at the end of 6 months, find myself wanting to come back to NYC with my mind renewed and my objectives and desires clear. My worst fear was that I would not want to come back.
But since I am not going by myself, I will have to compromise and go to Spain for 2 months and just travel around old cities, eat all kinds of delicious foods, draw, take photos, and write, which is something I have not been able to do lately since my mind is in "shutdown" most of the time and that's why I need a trip. (This blog post is a sort of "permission to write post," to get me started...)
That trip is probably going to be from March until May. On March 4th, I have an event with Xiomara Evans and Marni Rice at La Maison d'Art. Then we leave! After that, back to NYC, where I have a date set for this year's Mary Magdalene Celebration on July 22 at PS 109/El Barrio Art Space and La Casa de la Herencia Cultural Puertorriqueña.
After that, I don't know. I hope the trip will help me decide what changes I need to make, what to keep and what to let go.
I'm sure there's more. But even though I feel these have been great accomplishments and I have enjoyed them, I need to stop the frenzy. Because that is how that voice inside my head sounds, as if I am running out of time. There's always this fear that if I don't do enough and I don't use my time wisely then when I die I won't have finished my mission. It's irrational, but always there. And it needs to stop, because missions are not accomplished with busywork but with great work, and great work requires uninterrupted thought and concentration. And because I waste a lot of time not having a clear head!
In order to get my mind working within that wavelength...
I have been planning a long trip, a time free of the commitments of the world I live in right now.
A long trip. A trip to think, forget, and to remember, to reconstruct.
So that's what I am doing this year, even if it will not be as long as I wanted it to be, or the exact trip I wanted.
The trip I wanted sounds really boring to most people. I wanted to rent a house in Albuquerque, and set up a studio in a room of the house, and just work, go for walks with Raquel, go to Sunday dinner at Linda's house, and at the end of 6 months, find myself wanting to come back to NYC with my mind renewed and my objectives and desires clear. My worst fear was that I would not want to come back.
But since I am not going by myself, I will have to compromise and go to Spain for 2 months and just travel around old cities, eat all kinds of delicious foods, draw, take photos, and write, which is something I have not been able to do lately since my mind is in "shutdown" most of the time and that's why I need a trip. (This blog post is a sort of "permission to write post," to get me started...)
That trip is probably going to be from March until May. On March 4th, I have an event with Xiomara Evans and Marni Rice at La Maison d'Art. Then we leave! After that, back to NYC, where I have a date set for this year's Mary Magdalene Celebration on July 22 at PS 109/El Barrio Art Space and La Casa de la Herencia Cultural Puertorriqueña.
After that, I don't know. I hope the trip will help me decide what changes I need to make, what to keep and what to let go.
2 comments:
The compromise doesn't sound half bad! Of course, I would much rather you be my neighbor... but I can wait. I trust we shall be neighbors again. And I look forward to it. Meanwhile, enjoy this year's travels!
Nah, I'm not complaining! And anyway, I'll have another half of the year, who knows! ;)
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